Family Circus is whack. Fo'-shizzle.

Some comments on yesterday’s entry brought up some humorous ideas incorporating everything we’ve learned so far about lame comic “humor.” I’ll copy them here:

"You know what would be funny... a big ass dog on a skooter and his friend, the ant, going by on roller skates listening to the Mary Tyler Moore Show on an IPOD. Now that's good times! And if they ran over the bitchy girl... "

"Oooh yeah, and if the big dog hit the clown while he was at it . . . "

Now, first let me congratulate the posters on such funny (Funny!) ideas but . . . I think you guys are missing the humor of Marmaduke. Marmaduke isn’t just a “big dog” or “big ass dog;” he is a huge-ass dog. Can’t you see how much funnier it is that he’s huge?? I mean, a big dog . . . that’s chuckle-worthy, but a huge-ass dog? That’s worth a guffaw! It’s very subtle, you see. Read Marmaduke today, and imagine how much less funny it would be if he weren't huge, but just big. See?

Family Circus October 7:

"P J's gonna have it easy learning to write his name."

Uhm, yeah. Because P J’s name is only 2 letters, and it’s not even a word that you have to “sound out.” So, even if P.J. doesn’t get “hooked on phonics,” he can still spell his own name. I think that analyzing the Family Circus in such depth is going to get me hooked on something, and I doubt it will be as benign as phonics.

[I had to ask my husband if he remembered the phonics program – I was thinking it was “Down with Phonics.” Haven’t there been phonics controversies from time to time? If one ever pops up around here, perhaps I will organize a “Down with Phonics” anti-phonics group. I think “Down wit’ Phonics” would also be cool. “Schwa?” “Aw dawg! Schwa ain’t all that; schwa be frontin’ for the other vowels.” “But you gotta holla for the double O dipthong – it’s sportin’ some tight bling bling.” “Word”]

Ahem. As you may have gathered I have not much to say about this Family Circus. Question 1: Does anyone think Billy is “Gellin’? And if so, is he gellin’ “like Magellan?”

Question 2: Is Billy just now learning to spell his name? Shouldn't he know by now? He's 8 years old (yes, I know this, don't ask me how -- I am sure it will come up eventually). Is he stupid?

Question 3: Is it possible that P J was an accident? I'm thinking that FC Mom and Dad already had 3 kids, then one night hit the Purple Jesus a little too hard, and 9 months later . . . here comes little PJ!