You Should Pray Just in Case

The challenge was to find the worst Family Circus in the month of February. And, even though February is the shortest month, I thought the challenge would be simple. 28 Family Circi? Yes, it will be easy to find the worst of the worst. Turns out, it's a good thing February is so short. They're all pretty bad, and while it's easy enough to choose the one or two that aren't hideous, picking the absolute worst? Not so easy.

I submit the following:


"Daddy said we'd have some good old-fashioned music in our church if we can get an organ donor."

It's obviously a play on the phrase "organ donor." Get it? Because "organ donor" typcially means your internal organs -- kidney, liver, heart, etc. Dolly means "organ donor" using organ to mean "an instrument consisting of a number of pipes that sound tones when supplied with air . . ."

Let's leave aside the fact that the English language is so fucked up that one word can mean both "your liver" and "the thing that produces the music at church."

Also leave aside that one of my guilty pleasure favorite movies uses organ donation as its "hook." This would be Blink, where Madeline Stowe used to be blind, but then she gets the corneas (I think) of a dead woman. She's been blind for so long that sometimes she sees things (like a serial killer!!!!) but it takes her awhile to process the image. This seems absolutely ludicrous, and not at all based in science, but, still -- great movie! Also, Aidan Quinn is hot.

Why is this particular Family Circus worse than most? The way Family Circus works is: kids say the darndest things, and they sometimes get things mixed up in such a cute and endearing way. But Dolly hasn't gotten things mixed up! A church needs an organ to produce "good old fashioned music." Clearly, their church does not have an organ (for whatever reason), but if they can get someone to donate an organ, this will be corrected. An "organ donor" is exactly what they need! Dolly is exactly right, and is probably repeating what her dad said. She has "organ donor" correct, and she has the reason behind the need for an organ donor correct. She's not saying anything that an adult in the same situation would not say. She's not confused, not mixing up the words, not using the words incorrectly, not doing anything but reporting on what their church needs. How is this different than leaving the church saying, "Daddy says we need a new youth minister."?

There's some "kids say the dardnest things" potential in the "organ donor" phrase, Bil Keane just didn't hit on it. Like, "Daddy does someone need to die in a car accident for our church to have an organ donor?" That would suck in the typical F.C. sense, but would at least show the quirky cuteness of kids and how they get things mixed up.

Also, it would open a very existensial debate. If someone's death helped out a church, what would that mean? Did the dead person not pray as hard as the church congregation? Was God so tired of the church just singing along to the piano that he reached down and smote some poor soul so that the church could have an organ? Were the members of the congregation really bad singers? Should you be less sinful, just in case there's a church in your area in need of an organ?

True organ donor story: My grandparents' church is from the 1840s. Several years ago an electrical fire broke out, destroying the sanctuary, including a massive built-in organ. The sanctuary was re-built, but the organ takes a lot longer to build. Luckily, another church somewhere had an organ already built, but had not yet built their sanctuary, so my grandparents' church has the organ in the meantime. An actual "organ donor" case. But, since in this case the problem was fire and burning, you might call it an "organ graft.' Yuk yuk yuk. I'm gonna give Bil Keane a run for his money on lame ass humor!