Adult Content: Reader Discretion Advised

Feeling a good bit of writer's block lately, I decided that the sure cure for that was to head on over and see what the Lockhorns are up to. They are sure to get my blood boiling. And it worked! Note to readers: this cure for writer's block works less well in other venues. I tried it at work, but when I submitted our June 2004 editorial as a candidate for the Dental Editors' Prize for Dental Journalism, well . . . let's just say that my one page diatribe about Loretta's meatloaf and the terrible mother-in-law did not go over well. I guess that means no $1,000 cash prize for us. That's what the nomination form says, by the way: "$1,000 cash prize." And I wonder if it will be distributed in unmarked bills. $1,000 cash?? Really?? Is this to avoid the IRS?? Somehow I doubt the award will actually be cash, but more likely a check. Why does it say "cash" if it doesn't mean it? And I will never know the true answer since I wrote about Loretta's meatloaf on my nomination form. Actually, I kid, y'all. I mean, not about the "$1,000 cash" -- that's true enough. I did not write about the meatloaf, and if we WIN THE PRIZE, I will be sure to update you on whether I actually get a wad of cash or not.

ANYHOOOO. . . The Lockhorns did NOT disappoint. Here was the very first one on their site:



I have three words. Guh. Ro. Dy. Go ahead and sound it out if you're hooked on phonics. Ok, I'm sure he's speaking of added weight, and not alluding to the fact that he's answered several spam emails about "getting a bigger tool" or "filling her hole." And, no my mind is not that dirty, I just looked in my junk email folder to see what sort of lovely missives were in there today. Anyway, even if Mr. Lockhorn isn't talking about "his tool" (ARGH!!!! Ack ack ack. Will have to shower and bathe after this. Also, maybe lots of tequila to drive the image away). So, even if it's not "dirty," the point is still that he has gotten flabby in the crotch area -- upper thighs, belly, etc. GROSS GROSS GROSS. This has to be the grossest thing the comics have ever made me think about.

But, I think maybe he IS talking about his, ahem, tool. Look at the smile on Loretta's face!!!! Mr. L and the gym guy look bored, but Loretta looks, dare we say it? Satisfied.

Please pardon for the explicit content today. Really, really, really, I just went over to the Lockhorns site and picked the earliest cartoon they had. And, thanks to the good people at the Raleigh News & Observer, I actually had to seek out this content. I've seen hide nor hair of the Lockhorns in the paper for some time.

Some other stuff:
Broom Hilda (worst of March) contest ongoing. We have more nominees than votes! The nominees are:
Hilda's Hott Date (aka Lincoln)
Broom Hilda is an Idiot (well, that could be any, but specifically, she doesn't know what a computer is)
Broom Hilda's Dentures
Puberty!
The Usual Suspects (aka fire hydrants)

Emily's from Chicago. That's why she always says to vote early and often. That's how they do it there. But you can do it that way here too, if you want.

Still slots available if you want to play the role of a comic strip character in the upcoming blog.