The Real World
When I was little, I actually thought that mice lived in the baseboards behind arch-shaped openings.
Then we rented this house that actually had mice, and my mother freaked out. My dad set traps for them and I was all upset. I remember he had to tell me, "Alethea, they aren't cute like the mice in Cinderella. They are dirty." Awww. I was disappointed -- I thought they might band together and make me a dress for the ball!
Mice are, indeed, vermin. And yet they are a staple of cartoons (strips and animation). We indoctrinate our kids to love Mickey and Minnie, to cheer Cinderella's friends, to admire the power of Mighty Mouse. Then, just as they are programmed to love and cherish precious little mice, we tell them mice are DIRTY and NASTY. And we set traps to poison them or lop off their heads! (The mice, not the children.) HA HA HA little kids, mice aren't cute! Look at this chopped off mouse head!!! Santa's next!! Time to grow up.
I think learning the "truth" about Santa is a rite of passage, but it sure is sad to realize that the world isn't as magical a place as you once thought. I think it's the same thing when you learn that mice WON'T help you make a fabulous gown. They carry disease, they do not eat at an immaculately linened table, behind their perfectly arched baseboard front door.
Welcome to adulthood.
posted by big al at 6:34 PM
6 Comments:
Not only is your blog ABSOLUTELY freakin' hilarious, but you have the same name as a friend of mine from college. It's Greek for "Beauty" or something like that, right?
Holy crap, Heathcliff is still around?
Here's a parenting mistake to avoid: I once put salt on a slug and showed my daughter. She was horrified. Not only had I killed an innocent slug, but I tortured it beforehand. She never looked at me the same again. If I set a mousetrap, she'd be traumatized. Parents, get a cat and blame all small animal deaths on the cat. Don't name it Heathcliff or Garfield. Garfield is lazy, I'm given to understand, but why doesn't Heathcliff eat the mice again?
Hey Big Al, I can't post pictures from here, but when you get a chance, check out Chip's crazy teenaged decor in today's Hi and Lois. Or is he in the guest room? If so, why the Keep Out sign on the open door? I'd love it if you posted that picture for ridicule.
1) TO THE SMOKER: Thank you very much, and how do you know I'm not your friend from college??? Alethea means "Truth" in Greek. That's right, y'all, I'm speaking truth to power! Dennis the Menace sucks. There's some truth.
2) TO JOHN: Yeah, Heathcliff still is with us, and when reviewing bunches of Heathcliffs to make this post I discovered that while it is not funny, it's better than Marmaduke. At least it has variety. Also, from time to time it has those eaten fish bones. You know, with the bones, but it still has the tail and also the head (with x's in the eyes). That's cool.
3) To MARY ANN: Well, in this particular instance, Heathcliff isn't chasing mice because he's getting his picture taken! Why he normally doesn't catch them, I don't know.
4) TO HELGA: Oooh. That's a good point. I will make that the topic of my post tonight. That way I don't have to come up with something on my own. Laziness AND plagiarism. I'm a veritable Jayson Blair!
...Why the hell does granny still have perfect legs?!
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