Nowlege is Gud

I am beset with a profound sense of malaise. The creative juices are drying up. Basically, I am running out of ways to say "Hey, those Family Circus kids are annoying!" or "Marmaduke isn't funny" or "Here's another comic stuck in the 1950s." Face it, the comics are the same thing over and over and over, and I'm running out of ways to say the same thing without falling into the repetitious trap I am constantly ragging on the comics for falling into.

Besides, there are great comic parodies out there. And there are others who have figured out how to keep this up, and keep this funnier and more entertaining than I can (and I could link you to plenty others, but again: malaise). I gave some serious thought to throwing in the towel, but have roused myself with a new idea, and that idea is: LEARNING.

Remember when Dennis wondered about the aquarium whale? And I expounded on the wonder of whale fall? Then, an anonymous commenter posted a link about the exploding whale, and . . . people! That's called KNOWLEDGE. And that is my newfound purpose: to use the comics to educate and elucidate.

Will it bore you? Are you kidding me???? Is the attainment of knowledge boring to you?? Well, it was to me in those 7th grade films where we'd watch great threshers (or whatever the hell big farm equipment) thresh up the wheat as we learned about the silos and wheat and great bread basket of the American Midwest. Nothing against agriculture, but that shit was boring. So, I hope this will not bore you, but more importantly IT WILL NOT BORE ME. And, trust me, Big Al's Comic Blog was starting to booooooooooore me.

Today's lesson comes from yesterday's Shoe:

NOTE: Skyler and Cosmo are going to eat a TURKEY SANDWICH!!! ACK! Is that cannibalism?? I mean, THEY are birds, and TURKEYS are birds, so . . . I wondered, do birds eat other birds? And here is what I found after some exhaustive research (yes, I have a major university library at my disposal, but for my purposes here, "exhaustive research" is spelled G-O-O-G-L-E):

Well, apparently, at least in the Antarctic Peninsula, they do.

And this very official looking site seems to have the definitive word: Yes birds eat other birds. That site will also tell you this important fact: birds live "pretty much every where."

So, that makes birds, basically, cannibals, and if you type "cannibal" into Google, you'll get to some insane freaked out parts of the Internet that make me feel very, very unsafe. But, you can read about the German trial in which a man was on trial for eating another man, who had actually volunteered for the privilege. He was convicted, but just weeks ago he was ordered to be retried, as his sentence was considered "too lenient."

Your lessons for today: birds eat other birds, and cannibalism, in humans at least, is bad. Also, (some) Germans are weird.

I do wish I could blog longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner.

NEXT LESSON: Who knows? But I will be out of town (again), so it will probably have to wait until the weekend. Until then, study up on cannibalism and birds. There may be a quiz.